I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
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I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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