I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
