If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I CAN MOONWALK!
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
