Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
