If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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