my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
