so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
