i think i have herpe
just one?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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