just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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