you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
