Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
