I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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