wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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