Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
