I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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