i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
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