I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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