Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
