corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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