he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
try to milk me bitch
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