I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
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We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
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Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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