Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
