woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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