Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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