Christians are straight up FREAKS
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
