well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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