good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
