i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
