hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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