I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
they're like a gay fantastic four
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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