nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
