Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
