I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
