her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
