I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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