i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
