i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
