Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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