If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
