Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
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just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
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Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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