Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize