could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
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