They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
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You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize