If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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