Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
