Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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