The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
