I'm lost and stupid without you.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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