I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
