I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
