Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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