I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
