she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
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I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
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She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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