Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
