I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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