It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I understand Curling. That high.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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