i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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