Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
