Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
